Friday, January 8, 2016

Meet my FXB Instructors: Hook

Hook: a.k.a. Jess N.

I’ll start by saying that I’m writing this post with mixed emotions. I had intended to ‘showcase’ Jess this month, but I didn’t know at the time it would be as a farewell post. Today was the last official day Jess will be instructing at FXB - Columbus (I say official because she says she’ll be back from time to time). She’s only moving over to FXB - B-town, but since I never get over there she may as well be moving to Nebraska. In the short time I’ve known Jess, she has become a dear friend. She is an amazing person who makes me smile from my face to my heart to my soul. I will truly miss walking into the gym and seeing Jess standing at the counter in the midst of some animated story. While this may be a farewell from FXB - Columbus, it’s not a farewell from my life! Love you, Jess.

Now that the mushy stuff is out of the way, let’s break down the Hook.

The most obvious reason I’d call Jess Hook is because she delivers one kick-a punch. There is no way I’d want to be the bag in one of her workouts! But that’s not the reason for her nickname.

The first time I had Jess for an instructor, this is what she looked like:

It was the first Freaky Friday I had experienced at FXB, and Jess made a very convincing (and intimidating) pirate. I remember thinking, “Man, she even added a killer tattoo to complete the look!” It wasn’t until I had her as an instructor for a non-Freaky Friday class that I realized the tattoo was all Jess. I knew then and there that she was a true pirate at heart.

But it wasn’t just my first impression or her tattoo that solidified her name. Let’s look at my research about pirates. If you’ve been following along on these posts, you should know where Ive gone for justification: (as always, click on the link at the risk of your innocent sensibilities). According to the top definition:

The Pirate is an oft misunderstood individual who can be seen absolutely pwning everyone around him/her. Well versed in the arts of cheekiness, deceit, extortion(sp), theft, blackmail, smarmery, and crazy acrobatic sword and or knife fighting. The pirate always lands on his feet, and always wins, even when you think not. naturally hates the ninja, as ninjas are overated far too serious for their own good. 

Uh, oh. The Ninja better watch out! They appear to be good friends, but maybe it’s really a ‘keep your enemies closer’ kind of thing . . . I see that look, Brittany!

Anyway, for those who don’t know what ‘pwning’ means (this would be me—I thought maybe it was a typo), here you go:

Pwn is a leetspeak slang term derived from the verb own, as meaning to appropriate or to conquer to gain ownership. The term implies domination or humiliation of a rival, used primarily in the Internet-based video game culture to taunt an opponent who has just been soundly defeated

OK, so let’s pull out all of these ‘facts’:
  • Pwning - I don’t think anyone will argue that Jess dominates the mat when she’s in da’ house.
  • Cheekiness - Only someone as cheeky as Jess could have her own hashtag: #CuzJess.
  • Deceit - There are times when Jess acts as though she’s sorry for making everyone work so hard. #NotBuyingIt
  • Extortion - Jess is a master at extorting a Level 10 out of her class!
  • Theft - See entire section below
  • Blackmail - “Give me a Level 10 or I’ll make you do burpees till you puke!” OK, so she’s never said anything like that. But she could totally pull it off!
  • Swarmery - I’ll be honest, I have no idea what this is. But it sounds like something Jess might have.
  • Crazy Acrobatic Sword and/or Knife Fighting - I think she saves this for her fans at home.

Above I promised you an entire section on theft. Her ability to steal is the primary reason for naming Jess Hook. So, what does she steal?

Your Breath
A Jess class is far from easy, no matter if it’s kickboxing or bands. She pushes you to work hard, making you fight for every breath in the process.

Your Bands
Jess has a natural way of encouraging people to band up to that next color.

Your Excuses
In addition to instructing, Jess is an amazing coach. She has this ability to practically see into your soul, and in the process she helps you strip away your excuses for why you can’t progress.

Your Scale
If you’re too dependent on the number on the scale, she’ll steal the source of negative information right out from under your feet. Just ask Steven.

Your Friends
Speaking of Steven, she’ll even steal your friends!

Aye, we will all miss Hook. But a new treasure awaits her in B-Town. I just hope they know what they are in for . . .

~ Carrie

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