Monday, October 5, 2015

The path less traveled

A couple months ago I posted about how I was afraid to take time off my workouts so I could recover from an injury to my foot. I thought it was about time I give you an update to let you know the result of this most recent test to my journey.

To briefly recap what happened: at the beginning of August I had spent about 3 days painting my home office (barefoot). My foot was sore after that, and then later in the week I ended up hurting it at the end of a kickboxing session. I kept going to my workouts on a restricted plan, but then hurt it again about a month later. I was forced to take time off of not only workouts, but off most activities that required me to be on my feet a lot. I was scared that the time off would set me back.

I took a full week and a half off my workouts, as well as most activities at home. I then went back to my workouts but just for the resistance training days. After a week of that, I eased back into kickboxing.

I’ve been hesitant to write this post because I don’t want to jinx anything—because that’s how my life rolls. So I won’t tell you how my foot is doing, but I’ll let you come to that conclusion on your own based on my cryptic message here.

Instead, I’ll focus on how I survived this break mentally/emotionally.

When my injury occurred, I was disappointed that it happened so close to the one year mark for me. I wanted to finish out the year strong and log more than the 299 workouts I was able to do. I was on pace to have only missed 3 workouts total in that one year. However, now I see that it was the best time for me to sit out. One of the things I was afraid of was that the time off would give me the excuse to start skipping more days for various reasons. You know those reasons:
  • My writing is finally in the groove and I don’t want to stop
  • Im too tired
  • I have laundry to do
  • Its too hot
  • My eye is twitching
  • I have to go to the store
  • I have cramps
  • Fall TV started and there are only so many hours in a day
  • I forgot to charge my Fitbit

The list could go on and on and on . . . But with my rolling over into a new year, I wanted to get back in because I knew I was starting fresh again. It’s motivating to see how many I can log this year. Thankfully, I’m no longer afraid of excuses keeping me off the mat. At least for the next year.

My other fear was that I would suffer a setback. In this case, what I learned is that I need FXB. It’s actually hard for me to type that. I feel like I should be able to sustain my healthy lifestyle on my own. I mean, what if we move? What if the Jedi Master (Erik) and Lindsay move and close up Columbus FXB? What if some day I sustain a larger injury that takes me out completely?

I’ve always been a very independent person. I’ll admit that part of it is because I’m kind of a control freak. I’m working on it, but I suppose it’s good that I’m my own boss now. Because of this desire to control things, I’ve learned to do most things on my own. But for some reason my health and fitness is one area of my life that I can’t seem to maintain control over without help from others.

I know what some of you might be thinking. You’d tell me that I am controlling it. That I was the one who made the decision to sign up for FXB. That I’m the one who made it a point to push myself to 299 workouts in one year, even on the days when I didn’t want to.

I get all that, I do. I even believe it. But the thing is, when that’s not an option I’m still not doing so good. I had these great plans to still workout while I was at home. I have bands. I have free weights. I have a Bowflex machine. Even with all of that, I only worked out a total of 1.5 times in that week and a half that I was off. My nutrition wasn’t great. Then again, it’s not great when I’m going to FXB on a regular basis either. It’s still my struggle point. I’m making progress, but I’ve accepted that it will take me time to get where I want to be.

I’ve been thinking about it, and I figure I can approach this realization in one of two ways.

1) Be disappointed in myself.
This is the most natural path for me. The path is nice and paved. It might be dark and depressing, but I know where it goes. I’ve been down that path so many times before. I could beat myself up for not being strong enough to do this on my own. For being too dependent on a program to achieve my success.

2) Accept that in this journey I will always need help.
This path is less familiar for me, and I havent traveled down it often. I live to help others. It’s one of the reasons I write. I get a huge surge of gratitude when someone tells me how much my writing has helped them. I had always felt that the one thing missing in my life was helping others. Now I get to and I’m so blessed. Yet, I don’t like to accept help. I don’t know why. I’ve not analyzed that side of me yet, but I’m sure that some day I will. As a result, I’m not familiar with accepting the fact that in some things I will always need the help of someone else. For me, it’s my health and fitness journey. My monster challenges me when I’m alone (physically or emotionally) and so I suppose my answer is that I can never be alone on this journey. And I have to find a way to be OK with that.

In case you’re wondering, I’m picking the second path. I’m just so thankful to have found a family that is willing to stick by me through the good and the bad.

~ Carrie

No comments:

Post a Comment