Those of you who know Dawn will not be surprised that I’ve dubbed her The Beast. Basically, Dawn only knows how to operate in one mode:
It doesn’t matter what it is—instructing, working out, completing an extreme obstacle race, or participating in a FIT challenge—Dawn is in full on Beast Mode all the time.
But that’s not what earned her this nickname. You should know by now that I try not to be obvious with my nicknames. So what’s the driving factor? Well, it’s not this guy:
Sure she could give him a run for his money on a Spartan course, but he’s all beast and no beauty where Dawn is both.
That leaves this Beast as the primary driver for Dawn’s nickname:
Yep, that’s right, I’m talking about The Beast roller coaster at Kings Island. Why? I’ll give you 3 good reasons.
1. The Drop: If you ride roller coasters then you know that the drop is critical. There’s the initial drop, with the slow climb to build up the anticipation. Then there are all the subsequent drops which come quickly and often by surprise. Dawn guides you through those critical drops in a bands class in much the same way: build-up and anticipation of that first band drop and then you’re quickly hit with drop after drop after drop.
2. The Whiplash: The twists, the turns, the loops—a good roller coaster is going to whip you up and down and all around. Well, a Dawn-led kickboxing session will do the same. All you can do is throw your hands up and enjoy the ride!
3. The Voice: Dawn’s instructor voice makes her the perfect roller coaster operator. Her cadence is so spot on I’ve come to the conclusion that she once had a summer job at a theme park. I don’t have a recording to share with you, but listen for it the next time she leads your class. I dare you not to imagine her also saying, “Please keep your hands and legs inside the car at all times.”
If you’ve never had the opportunity to have The Beast as your instructor, then here’s a video of The Beast at Kings Island. It’s basically the same thing. Except the dude’s voice for the safety instructions. Dawn really needs to go and record a new one for them.
Some of you may have been wondering where I’ve been and if my little corner of the blogging world was still active. While I do apologize for that, at the same time I don’t. My whole focus is on getting healthy and remaining in control of my Binge Eating Disorder. I learned a while ago that stress knocks me off my course quickly, so I’ve been putting a lot of effort into reducing the stress in my life. And as a result, my blog posts have suffered recently.
That’s not to say this blog is bad for my health. In many ways it has been the largest catalyst to my success. But there are stresses that come with it. I’ve blogged before about the negative impact of feeling overexposed from sharing my deepest secrets. While I’m doing better in that area, it’s still difficult sometimes. Lately the stress of keeping up this blog has been due to my lack of time. There’s a pressure in trying to remember when to post and what to blog about. Then there’s the time it takes to actually write it up. I’d like to say that these posts write themselves as if they were flowing out of Rita Skeeter’s Quick Quotes Quill (sorry, I’ve been in a Harry Potter frame of mind lately), but the reality is it takes time to get my words out of my head and into a coherent post that’s not too long.
I also hate to say that I’ve been tired for almost a full year now. I’m averaging less than six hours of sleep a night, and my mind wants more than that to function efficiently. I had to change my workout time to an early morning class which meant I had to either sacrifice sleep or time with my family in the evening (since both my husband and daughter are night owls). So far, my family has trumped sleep. I don’t drink caffeine, so that means I’m running on fumes most days. Stress and tired don’t mix well for me and it increases my urges to binge. In addition, creativity doesn’t flourish in a foggy brain. I’m deep in a novel that I really want to get done this year, so I wanted to channel whatever creative mojo I could conjure into the novel. All this meant I had to let a few things go.
But do not fear—I don’t intend to ignore my little blog forever. Right now I’m just choosing to not stress over having to post at specific or regular times. And I figure you might get tired of me just posting sweaty pictures to my Facebook page, so that’s gone a bit dark as well.
In the past I’ve taken big steps to reducing the stress in my life, like cutting off toxic relationships. It was probably the most difficult thing I’ve ever done, but I know it was the right thing to do for me in the long run. I’ve also eliminated certain tasks that seem irrelevant, like mailing birthday cards, but the result was a lot less stress in my life. In the birthday card example, I still find a way to say happy birthday, I just don’t have the stress of remembering to buy and mail a card in time so it arrives on the proper date.
Recently I’ve been looking for more little things I can do to reduce my stress and free up some of my time, like unsubscribing to newsletters I don’t read. You might be wondering why it was stressful/time-consuming if I didn’t read them in the first place. Well, they cluttered up my inbox, making it appear I had more items to respond to than I really did. Another thing I’ve started to embrace is bailing on books I’m not enjoying. Reading is not only a favorite pastime—it’s essential for my life as an author. Before this year, I had only ever abandoned 2 books. I’ve had some books where I’d skip parts to get to the end, but I’d almost always finish. For one, I don’t like to quit anything. For two, I always want to give the book a chance to redeem itself in the end. Well, this year I’ve already doubled my ‘did not finish’ count. It can still be a struggle, but I keep telling myself that having a smaller ‘to be read’ pile is more important to me than finishing a book I’m not enjoying.
I encourage you to think through areas of your life where you can let go. It could be big or small—in the end it all adds up to a healthy improvement.
[moment of pause to jump around and do my happy dance]
I’ll admit the last 12 months haven’t been a walk in the park. I still have cravings, and I have still eaten things outside of my Fun Day that I’d put in my ‘bad’ category. Every time I start to get down on myself for these slight stumbles, I force myself to remember what I was eating prior to February 25, 2016. Those binges were epic and had me in tears. The guilt and shame following were astronomical. I force myself to think back to all the hard work I’ve done this past year, and I remind myself that progress does not mean perfection.
My biggest struggle now is moving on with my nutrition. While I maintain that my journey is not about losing weight, the reality is that I really should lose weight. I’m carrying around a lot of pounds and my body is getting older (i.e. tired). And I think my knee would be happier if I gave it a bit of a break. I had found a no-binging eating pattern that allowed me to maintain my weight for most of the past 12 months. The downside is I became afraid to change anything. I was afraid I might start binging again if I did. The things I’ve been eating have kept me satisfied. Don’t fix what’s not broke, right? And my biggest broken part was the binging, not my weight.
I was sick pretty much November thru January, and I gained a bit of weight due to missing workouts and the medication I was put on. My eating still hasn’t changed, so here I sit at a weight I thought I had told to kiss-off for the last time.
I’ve decided that since I seem to be embedded in superstition on this journey, I’m going to work it to my advantage. On February 25, 2016 I took steps that have led me to a full-year of amazing success. So, tomorrow, February 25, 2017, is the day I embark on Phase 2 of Operation Breaking Binge.
What’s Phase 2, you ask? Well, it looks a bit like this:
Pretty clear, right?
I do know my Phase 2 will focus on nutrition, which has never been my strength. I have excuses out the wazzoo (I don’t like to cook, I have BIG issues with chicken, I don’t like a lot of meat, I don’t—I don’t—I don’t . . .) I know what I ‘should’ eat, but the issue is sticking to it. I haven’t mentioned it much, but a big part of getting this far in Breaking Binge were my sessions with Health Coach Lynn Killips on a process called Immunity to Change. I learned so much about myself and why I eat the way I do thorough this process. But I have to say the most profound thing I learned was when Lynn asked me one very basic question. We were discussing my tendency to place all food into two categories: good or bad. She asked who said these foods were good or bad. I told her it was based on my knowledge of nutrition, which I’ve learned over all my years of trying to get healthy and the various programs I’ve tried.
Then came Lynn’s ground-shaking question:
“How long have you been following these plans?”
As I added up the years, I realized I had been trying to follow one plan or another for about 20 years. And then the true magic of the question hit me—that’s 20 years with no sustainable success (key word being sustainable).
That’s a Long. Damn. Time.
I should point out I’m not condemning nutrition plans/programs. In fact, I have learned so much about not only nutrition, but also about my eating struggles through these various plans. But there’s a reason why some find success through Weight Watchers, and some find it in Jenny Craig. Others only see progress with Paleo, and then there are those who only find happiness with the Beachbody program. And, of course, there are those like me who have fallen in love with the way Farrell’s Extreme Bodyshaping (FXB) has transformed their lives along with their bodies.
The point is that no one person is the same. Plans and programs are great, and often times essential. However, my downfall was that somewhere along the way I started looking at it as being told what I had to do, and if I didn’t do it then I failed. And I think you all know how I feel about failure. I’ve been looking at this as though I have been the one failing for the last 20 years. I wasn’t sticking to plan. I must not have been trying hard enough. Look at all those who did have success—it must be me!
It took Lynn to open my eyes for me to wonder if maybe my lack of sustainable success was due to the fact that I’ve been trying to follow someone else’s plan that doesn’t fit my specific needs. She then pointed out that for months I had been following my own nutrition plan, and while I wasn’t losing weight, I wasn’t gaining it and I wasn’t binging.
I (reluctantly) admit I’m a stubborn person. I think deep down I don’t like people telling me what to do. And I really don’t like failing to meet expectations. It seems pretty clear to me now what I have to change.
The plan is for me to use my nutrition knowledge to build a custom plan that fits my specific needs. One that I can adjust when necessary if I feel an urge to binge sneak up on me. Out of all the programs I’ve been through, I still believe the FXB program is the most right for me.
So wish me luck as I jump in and try to define that elusive Phase 2 within Operation Breaking Binge!
I’m sure you’ve read an article or two about the benefits of exercising. Besides the obvious benefits to your health, other perks often mentioned include: going up a flight of stairs without getting winded, having the energy to play with your kids/grandkids/niece/nephew/dog-who-thinks-he’s-a-kid/etc., improved skin, and lower stress.
That’s all great, and I love it. But there are other benefits that are just as important no one’s talking. Well, it’s a good thing you’ve got me. Here are a few of my unsung benefits of exercising.
1) Sing, Sing, Baby
To my daughter’s dismay, I love to sing. Like many others, I perform best in my car. I’ve got the car-jam down by now. However, some songs are a bit trickier than others. Prior to regular exercise, singing/rapping along with artists such as Eminem was usually a lightheaded experience. I either missed half the words as I sucked in air, or I turned into a red-faced balloon as I attempted to reach the lyrical break before taking my next breath. Not such a good thing for my car-based performances. However, regular exercise gave me better endurance. Forget about how increased endurance benefits me going up a flight of stairs—it’s much more fun to not get winded during a wicked rap song. So break out that karaoke machine and take your turn trying to be The Real Slim Shady.
2) Poppin’ a Squat
There comes a time in almost everyone’s life when they are presented with a very difficult choice—hold it until you’re in pain or use the disgusting Port-a-pot/John/loo/whatever-you-call-it. The smell, the unmentionables covering every surface, the lack of sanitizer to dunk your entire body into after usage . . . [shiver] It’s no surprise I’d rather hold it. However, when holding turns into a risk of an embarrassing accident, I go in and hold my breath while attempting to hover. It’s a difficult and scary endeavor. Thankfully, regular exercise has saved my bladder. As mentioned in the first point above, my ability to hold my breath is substantially better so I can suck it in without fear of passing out and falling into the pit. In addition, I have a better ability to hold my squat, regardless if it’s #1 or #2 calling, without touching any of the surfaces.
3) Load It Up
When I get home from a shopping trip, I have this overwhelming need to carry all the bags into the house in one trip. I’m pretty sure I’m not alone on this crazy personal shopping challenge (you know who you are). I’m not sure where this compulsion stems from, but it probably has something to do with proving I didn’t really buy that much if I can carry it all in one trip. It’s always been difficult and not without risk. There is usually that one bag that slips slowly down my arm until I’m holding on with nothing but a quivering pinky. But now my arms are solid. I just channel my ISO bicep curl hold and load up. Now all I have to worry about is not nicking the walls as I enter the house fully loaded . . .
4) Pigpen Pride
I went through this difficult hormone struggle a few years ago. One of my many challenges was heat intolerance. Basically, I couldn’t regulate my body temperature. I had to take my showers at night because if I did it in the morning my body temperature would be too elevated while getting ready for work. I’d sweat profusely just walking from my car to my desk. I couldn’t wear coats in the winter or I’d get so hot I’d get light-headed. I’d get so embarrassed whenever I was in a room full of people and felt the sweat run lines down my face and back—just because I was standing still. That particular issue has been resolved (yeah!), but I still sweat when working out. I usually look as though I’ve just finished the She’s a Dream dance from Flash Dance. The difference is now I wear it with pride. I’ve even gone to the store after a workout. How is this a benefit, you might ask? Less embarrassment = better self-confidence. If anyone turns their nose up to me I just smile and say, “You smell that? That’s the smell of my hard work.”
5) Go Ahead, Make My Day
Back in my college days at Purdue, one of my constant possessions was keychain mace. Most girls had them. I often had to walk home at night, sometimes through dimly lit streets, and the mace was a necessary safety precaution. I remember this one time . . . it was late, the street was dark, I was walking home with my finger on the mace trigger as usual. I wasn’t far from my apartment when suddenly I heard rapid footsteps coming toward me from behind. I spun around, mace raised. The poor guy about had a heart attack. He threw up his hands and pointed to my left, telling me he was sorry to scare me and he was going over there. I think he learned a valuable lesson that night—no matter how late you are, never EVER run up behind a girl at night. These days I don’t walk down many dark streets, but when I do I don’t feel the need for my old keychain mace. I’ve got a wicked back-fist. And if that fails, I can spin and finish with my powerful jab-cross.
I hope you have all benefited from these unsung benefits as well. Feel free to leave a comment and tell me some of yours!
