Journey to FIT—Week 8

Originally posted on November 8, 2014 on carriebeckort.com

Every time. I keep saying, “No, this one is worse than that one.”

Supers

Isos

Faster music (which equates to a faster pace)

And then... Pump sets

And today... Sally Push-ups. I’m not sure I ever want to hear the song Flower by Moby ever again (also known as Bring Sally Up).

And, AND, I hear that something even more fun awaits us next week. I’ll stop being surprised that the workouts can keep getting more difficult. And I will stop saying that each new one is the most torturous. Because clearly I don’t know what I’m talking about.

I’ve just completed Week 8. Only two more to go and then I’ve conquered the 10 week challenge. Let me say that again, just so it will sink into my brain:

Only two more weeks to go. 12 workouts.

If you could see me now, you would see a very unflattering happy dance. Not because it’s almost over. I’ve already signed up for the year session, so I have a long way to go. I’m dancing because I’ve almost made it! Over the past 8 weeks I’ve stuck to this plan more than any other plan I’ve attempted in the past. This week was honestly the first time where one day I thought, “Do I have to go? Would it hurt if I just skipped one workout?” I’m glad for that moment of weakness though—it confirms that I am still normal and that I haven’t been possessed by Hans or Franz (we’re here to pump [clap] you up).

I went to my workout, despite my temptation to stay home and write. It’s this little temptation that inspired my topic for this week’s update:

How I’ve managed to stay motivated.

 

Fun Day

I had to start with this one. Not because it’s my main motivator, but if I were giving out an M.I.M. (Most Improved Motivator) award it would go to Fun Day. If you remember from my earlier posts, I started this program terrified of Fun Day. Over the weeks I’ve learned that I can eat a few of the things I love—chocolate, pizza, ice cream, chocolate, Sprite Zero, Count Chocula cereal, hot chocolate... hmm, I’m noticing a theme here—but I don’t go overboard. I don’t binge out or get carried away. When the next day dawns, I’m back on track. It was important for me to learn that I can control how much of these wonderfully delicious items I eat.

I also learned that having Fun Day ahead of me helps push off any cravings I might have. On Friday my daughter’s Halloween candy was looking (smelling) really good. However, I was able to tell myself, “One more day. Five more meals. I’ve got this.” I understand now why I was encouraged to embrace Fun Day. I’m still not so sure about FXB’s idea of Fun Friday, but I’ll easily champion Fun Day!

 

MyFitnessPal

I don’t like tracking my food. Call me impatient, but I don’t like taking the time to write down all the info. This little app makes it sooooo easy. Scan the bar code and done. I can even look up menu items at many restaurants. And, it automatically syncs to my HealthMiles account. This is a huge help in keeping me on track each day.

 

Counts per Meal

It has been very helpful to have targets to hit for each meal that are balanced. No loading up on carbs for one meal and slacking on the next. Even though MyFitnessPal makes tracking easy, there are still times when I don’t log everything until the end of the day. If I were required to count some sort of total for the day, I’d lose track of where I was and it would be a lot more likely that I’d go over or under. Then I’d be likely to just forgo the whole thing and dig into the Halloween pumpkin container because why not—I’ve already blown it. With this plan, if I don’t have time to log meals immediately I still know my counts at meal time. Snap, snap!

 

The People

I’ve said this in earlier posts, but all the people at FXB are amazing. I really do enjoy going to the gym to interact with my other gym-mates and the instructors/coaches/staff. We’re all in this together. And, we also know that those FIT members who are kicking the bag well above their heads have all been through the same thing at some point in time. We’ve all done the same grueling workouts. At some point we’ve all felt the burn in our legs and were concerned that we wouldn’t be able to get off the mat at the end of the workout. There’s motivation in knowing that we’re all getting stronger together.

In addition, it’s clear that everyone there genuinely wants to see everyone else succeed. There are no ‘good jobs’ uttered just because it’s the polite thing to say. It’s said with conviction and encouragement.

 

My Progress

Unlike some programs I’ve been on, there’s no weekly weigh-in to motivate, or demotivate, me. I’ve had to find alternative forms of measurement to track my progress. Here’s a short list of things I’ve noticed over the past 8 weeks (other than the push-ups/sit-ups/mile that’s tracked at the check-in):

- I can do burpees

- I can do planks; this last workout I did them elbows and toes rather than elbows and knees (virtual high-five!)

- In some exercises I’m now using the purple bands (highest level of resistance)

- I no longer face plant at the end of a round of hydrants

- I’m punching/kicking the bag a little harder at each workout

- I can tell that my flexibility is better

In my Week 5 update I shared with you that I have lost pounds and inches so far. However, there have still been days where I didn’t feel it in my clothes. I didn’t see it in the mirror. Others at the gym would tell me they could see I’d lost, but it wasn’t consistent for me. In the couple weeks following the check-in I didn’t feel as if I’d lost any additional pounds or inches. Having other positive things to focus on helped me fight off the parasitic doubts that wanted to take me off course. As a result, I’ve kept chugging and like a light switch I’ve suddenly been able to feel the difference each day.

Journey to FIT—Week 7

Originally posted on November 1, 2014 on carriebeckort.com

As mentioned in last week’s post, this week I’ll be telling you why I decided to join an intensive fitness program. But first...

1) I said in Week 5 that super-sets were the most torturous thing on the planet. Again, I stand corrected. It’s iso-sets. It’s okay FXB, you don’t have to keep proving me wrong. I would make some sort of smart-a comment about combining supers and isos, but the last time I did that about supers and burpees too many instructors took it as a challenge!

2) I made it through Halloween, passing out CHOCOLATE, and not putting a single piece in my mouth!! That, my friends, is amazing. But today is Fun Day—watch out little fun-sized Butterfinger, I do believe you will be my first fun-of-choice victim for today!

Now, on to this week’s post. Last week I mentioned that I’ve learned to love myself the way I am, and that I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time. So why put myself through burpees, super-sets, iso-sets, hydrants, and a whole bunch of other painful exercises if I don’t need to lose weight to be happy? I’ll give you three good reasons (in no particular order).

 

I love watches.

For some reason, buying watches just makes me happy. Last year my daughter had to count up the number of watches in our house as part of her math homework. I think her teacher may have thought she counted wrong given the ridiculous amount of watches I still own.

I do believe I can thank (blame) Swatch for this particular obsession. As a kid I always had one on, and would often be seen wearing two or three at a time. The colors, the face protectors—ah, I wish I still had them. I do believe I even had a Swatch wall clock. (PS - at one time I owned the third watch from the left in this photo. I think that was my all-time favorite Swatch watch; and no, these are not all my watches. I'd like to thank the Internet for the throwback photo.)

As I got older, the Swatch obsession transferred to Fossil watches. I absolutely loved the prism crystals. They made it a pain to change the battery, but they sure were pretty. I didn’t wear more than one at once, but I did have multiple watches of different band colors to match my various outfits. Over the years, this obsession has continued.

Then something very sad happened. I gained weight. Most of the watches I love are made for people with smaller wrists. A few years ago I was feeling nostalgic and wanted to buy a new Fossil watch. I followed rabbit-hole after rabbit-hole on the Internet until I found the one I wanted. I was so excited when it arrived, until I discovered it was a fixed-band watch—meaning no adjustable holes (I’m not sure how I missed this little fact in the product description). I tried it on anyway and it pinched me hard in protest. I was so bummed. I’m now able to get it to close without pinching me, but it’s still too tight to rotate even a millimeter. I like my watches to be loose enough that I can rotate them. Especially when typing on the computer so I’m not resting my wrist on the buckle.

And of course the watches ‘in my size’ are not that fun or attractive. Buying one is like settling, and it’s not the same. I’ve had to resort to wearing mostly sport watches (but at least they do come in some fun colors/styles).

I’ve focused here on watches, but it’s really the same with so many other items—clothes, socks, jewelry, sandals, roller coasters, turnstiles, airplane seats, armed chairs at restaurants, on and on and on. All these things are designed to fit people that conform to what society has determined as ‘normal’ sized. Don’t get me wrong—I’m not saying it’s some sort of conspiracy and I’m not trying to shame manufacturers for neglecting the fat person. I’m just stating a fact. I actually understand this conformity for everything except the clothing/jewelry items. I mean seriously, we do have to wear clothes and it’s not too much to ask to be able to feel pretty/stylish in those clothes. You should have seen the hoops I had to crawl through (because let’s be real, at that point I wasn’t jumping) just to get workout clothes when I started FXB. I often even have difficulty finding appropriate clothing at the ‘big girl’ stores—because let’s face it, I don’t want to wear clothes that are mostly see-through or that cinch across my very wide backside. I’m not sure when clothing manufactures will learn that you can’t just take a design made for someone who is a size 2 and multiply it by 10. Different body types, people!

There’s lots of chatter on the Internet these days about positive body image, especially for women. It’s wonderful to see, and I’d like to think that some day women of larger sizes will have more appropriate shopping options than they do today. Until then, I just want to wear a darn watch that I love. So if I have to lose weight to do it, then so be it.

 

I want to embarrass my daughter at Breakfast Club.

This of course assumes that our years of brain washing will have her wanting to attend Purdue University. For those not familiar, Breakfast Club is a tradition of going out at the butt-crack of dawn to stand in line for the bars. You bar hop all morning until the football game, and then go pass out in the bleachers. Oh, and to make it even more fun you dress up in—well, in whatever you want.

Approximately 13 years from now I want to be at Breakfast Club with my daughter, dancing and singing and acting like I belong. I might even dress up. Then I will pass out in the bleachers during the football game (sorry Mom, it won’t be the first time).

Right now, I actually don’t have health related issues due to my weight. As you learned last week I have hormone issues, but I don’t have medical problems as a result of being overweight. I don’t have sleep apnea, or high blood pressure, or diabetes. My bad cholesterol has been high, however my good cholesterol is also high so they tend to balance out. Heart disease—I can’t comment on this one because I don’t know. I do know that while my doctors want me to lose weight, I’ve never had to have the conversation of, “you have to lose weight because of all these horrific things happening to your body.”

I am logical enough to know that just because it’s not causing issues now, it doesn’t mean that it will stay that way forever. I want to remain healthy. I want to have several more years in me.

I want to feel good enough in 13 years to make a fool of myself in a college bar.

 

I don’t want to embarrass my daughter now.

My daughter is eight. Unfortunately, she’s at the age where kids are already getting pretty mean. I thought I had a few more years to armor up for the girl-drama, but I was sadly mistaken. Kids tease other kids about anything and everything. While my heart breaks each and every time my daughter cries over some mean thing another kid said to/about her, I know that she’s learning required life skills. She needs to learn how to appropriately stand up for herself, and to ignore the other kid’s behavior.

However, I never ever want her to be teased because of me. I don’t want to ever put her in a position to feel that she needs to defend me because some other kid called me fat (or worse). It’s unfortunate, but it happens.

At home we teach her that God made everyone just the way they are supposed to be, and everyone should be treated with respect. However, we can’t control what other kids learn at home. We can’t control what they say to our daughter. She loves me unconditionally, and because of that she would be hurt if someone else said something mean about me. She is my world, and I’d do anything to protect her. Even if it requires six intensive days of burpees, hydrants, super-sets, and iso-sets...and the Ring of Fire that was sprung on us on Friday!

Journey to FIT—Week 6

Originally posted on October 25, 2014 on carriebeckort.com

I’m going to take a different approach on my updates for this week and next. I’ve decided it’s time to give you a little more of the ‘why’ behind my journey. This week I’ll give you my thoughts on how I got to this point, and next week I’ll tell you why I’m on this journey.

Growing up, I was an athletic kid. Softball, track, basketball, soccer were all my sports of choice. When I wasn’t playing a sport, I could usually be found climbing a tree or riding my bike.

Unfortunately I dislocated my knee my sophomore year in high school, and that ended my sports days. I would say that was probably when I started noticing a challenge with keeping off weight. It made sense—I was less active and I started working at a fast food place. Not the best combination for weight management, and I’m one of those people who is required to work at maintaining a healthy weight. I’m not naturally thin and never will be.

I struggled to some extent all through college and then into the early years after graduation. The last time I remember being ‘happy’ about my weight was when I was a sophomore in college. My class and work schedule didn’t allow me much time to eat and I walked everywhere at a fast pace since I didn’t have a lot of time.

The first time I actively tried to lose weight was about a year after I graduated college. I had been selected to be a bridesmaid in several weddings that summer. All of the weddings were in cities other than where I lived, so I had to send my measurements into the various bridal shops. It was early one Saturday morning when I woke to the sound of the phone ringing. It was one of the shops calling to tell me that since my dress was over a certain size it would cost more to ship and they needed my approval. In my sleep fogged brain, I simply said, “OK, fine.”

I hung up and my head dropped back down to the pillow. A few seconds later my eyes flew open as the reality of the conversation hit me, and I had a huge breakdown. I couldn’t understand how I had gotten to the point of wearing that size. That was the moment this whole weight loss journey started.

17 years ago.

Over the years, I’ve tried numerous weight loss programs. Some succeeded, some never worked, and none of them lasted. I had moments of fitness—such as in 2001 when I completed a sprint triathlon—but I was unable to maintain anything for a long period of time. The weight I was trying to get rid of at that point in my life was minimal, at least compared to what I hope to lose now. I consider that part of my life to be ‘phase 1’ of my journey.

‘Phase 2’ started when my husband and I decided we wanted to try to have children. Long story short, we have less than a 1% chance to conceive without the aid of fertility. With fertility, that percentage increases to an astounding 10%. I underwent four rounds of IVF in a year, with the last round at a very high dosage. In that year alone, I gained 40 lbs. The aggressive final round resulted in the pregnancy of our daughter, and while pregnant I gained another 70 lbs. These 110 lbs were on top of the other weight I had been trying to lose before starting the fertility treatments.

After my daughter was born, I nursed for a year and felt great. I lost the 70 lbs I had gained in pregnancy and was ready to tackle the 40 from fertility. However, when I stopped nursing my body basically gave up—or more specifically my pituitary gland decided it had had enough. Had I known what would happen, I’d still be pumping for a charitable cause to this day...

It took a year and several doctors, but ultimately I was diagnosed with Adult Growth Hormone Deficiency Disorder (AGHDD). It comes with a long list of symptoms, so I’ll let you look it up if you’re interested. I experienced a vast majority of the symptoms, but the ones I struggled with the most were weight gain, fatigue, anxiety, depression, food cravings, and heat intolerance. I was on growth hormone shots for years and all the symptoms became almost nonexistent, except the weight gain. Oh, and I also have thyroid problems to make the whole mess more complicated.

So that’s where all this weight came from. Well, all that and my poor eating habits too. I realize that I’ve used my AGHDD as a crutch for too long. At first, it was truly an obstacle. I couldn’t go on walks because the hormone issue was a strong trigger for my IBS. I couldn’t even make it around the block without needing a bathroom. I’d try to work out at home, but I’d get overheated to the point of either almost passing out or throwing up. Many days the cravings were so severe I thought I’d lost my mind.

For every step forward I took, I was push back about five. It just got to be too exhausting to fight—both physically and mentally. As the symptoms faded over the years, I was already in too dark of a place to easily find my way out.

I wasn’t happy. My friends had to sit me down for serious girl talk. My mom threatened to talk to my husband about it. The only place I seemed to be able to keep it out of my life was at work. Somehow I had been able to leave it at the door of the workplace, but I knew it was still there—lurking in the shadows and waiting to pounce on me the minute I stepped back outside. The stress of trying to be two different people on a daily basis added to my struggle.

Contrary to what some may believe, I didn’t take a leave from work to write a book. That just happened to be the happy distraction for my time off. The real reason for the leave was to get my weight under control. I admire the many people who can balance it all, but I was falling apart and the stress of it all wasn’t helping. I felt I wasn’t giving enough anywhere—not enough at work, not enough at home, and nothing to myself. I couldn’t give up being a mom or wife, so after a year of trying to find a different way my husband and I decided I would take a leave from work.

The first year of my leave is when I realized that I first had to love myself just the way I am. I see now that the real reason I’ve continued to carry all this weight has nothing to do with my hormones or my thyroid or my poor eating choices.

It’s because I’ve been looking at myself as someone who was broken and needed to be fixed.

As the saying goes, you can’t fix what’s not broken. I see now that I’m not broken. I don’t need to be fixed. I’ve been held down all these years by the stress of being misinformed. Put simply—society does not like ‘fat’ people. If you’re of the mind to try and argue with me, think of the words often attached to someone who is overweight:

- Failure

- Disappointment

- Unhappy

- Embarrassment

- Inadequate

- Lazy

- Disgusting

 

This list could be much, much longer. You may have a few on the top of your head that you could add. I’ve let myself believe these things about myself for years—simply because I was overweight. As a kid I heard adults say things about me like, “The way her butt’s getting, it doesn’t look like she needs to eat anything.” or “You better save those fat pants for her, she’s going to need them someday.” My training for self-hatred started at a young age, well before I actually needed to lose weight.

My question is, “Why?” Why is weight viewed so poorly by society? If someone’s weight (either high or low) is affecting their health, that’s one thing. But to use it to try to judge and define who the person is as a whole is just wrong.

It’s just weight. It does not define a person. It does not tell you if a person is good or bad or lazy or a hard worker. It doesn’t tell you if a person is kind or mean or strong or weak. The reality is that it tells you nothing. Yet, we try to read into it. We try to let it tell us what we want to know about a person, and we let social stereotypes guide the analysis.

Worse, we let it define what we believe about ourselves.

I had to accept that I wasn’t broken and stop trying to fix myself in order to see the real me. I now have a new list of words that define who I am, and not a single one has anything to do with my weight. I’m happier than I’ve been in a very long time.

So if I’ve accepted myself just as I am and I don’t need to lose weight to be happy, then why did I join a fitness program? Tune in next week to find out.

Journey to FIT—Week 5

Originally posted on October 18, 2014 on carriebeckort.com

Before I get into the results of my 5 week testing, there are a few items I’d like to get off my chest.

1) Super Sets

Who the heck invented these things?? I thought sports bras were the most tortuous thing on the planet. Turns out I was wrong. It’s super sets.

2) Burpees

They made me do burpees. I’m just glad there are no super set variations that involve burpees.

3) Hydrants

Imagine how a male dog lifts his leg to a hydrant. That’s what we have to do to the bag (minus the release of bodily fluids...) and then add in a kick. Pyramid them up, pyramid them down—then watch me face-plant on the mat.

4) Mountain Climbers

I was in the mountains a week ago on vacation. I climbed some of those mountains, and it was difficult. Mountain climbers in the gym? Much more difficult!

Okay, I feel better now.

 

Today was the halfway check-in. I’ve been anxiously waiting for this day, wondering about my progress. I’ve had days over the last five weeks where I thought my clothes fit looser, then I’ve had days where I felt as if I’d gone in the opposite direction of where I want to go. I’ve been ready for the five week testing!

First I had to decide if I would work out before the testing. I didn’t have to, but I signed up for one of the Saturday times. Although, I decided not to push it too hard since we were working out the lower body. A quick break after class and it was right into testing.

First up was the scale. My long lost friend, we meet again at last!

(I will admit that I stepped on my own scale at home before heading out to class/testing. I knew it was possible I could gain some weight, or not lose any, due to muscle growth. I needed to face that monster at home in the privacy of my bathroom. It would give me a chance to accept the result if it wasn’t want I wanted to see.)

After the scale it was on to the body fat gizmo, the stretch test, the body measurements, push-ups, sit-ups, and the mile.

You want to know how I did, don’t you? Have I delayed long enough? Okay, fine. Here you go...

In just 5 weeks, I:

- am down almost 6 lbs

- lost a total of 5.25 in (across arm, chest, waist, hip, thigh)

- increased my stretch by 0.5 in

- increased my push-ups by 9

- increased my sit-ups by 7

- decreased my mile time by 50 sec

- still couldn’t get the handheld gizmo to work :-p

Overall, I’d say I’m very pleased with these results! I can tell that I’m getting stronger. The classes are getting more and more difficult, yet I’m pushing myself harder and harder.

I will continue to attempt to do every super-set, burpee, hydrant, and mountain climber the instructors throw my way! I just hope they’re not offended if I don’t always join in the final count-down at the end of the workout—usually I’m too busy trying to breathe!

Journey to FIT—Week 4

Originally posted on October 11, 2014 on carriebeckort.com

Week four provided me with an all too common but difficult challenge.

Vacation.

Starting the week, I actually wasn’t too nervous. I thought through the trip ahead of me and tried to plan. I strategically picked my Fun Days to occur on the days I thought it would be the most difficult to keep to the nutrition plan. And I even had a first:

I packed my own exercise equipment.

In the past I’ve worked out on vacations in the hotel fitness room, but I’ve never packed my own gear. I figured bands were easy enough to pack, so that’s what I did. For the three cardio workouts, I would have to get creative. We went to Colorado and I did look into attending an FXB gym there. We stayed two days down in Colorado Springs and the rest of the week up in Estes Park. In Colorado Springs, there were two gyms near our hotel. Monday would have been the only day I could have gone. However, on Sunday we were in a car accident and I just didn’t feel like going. Instead, I went down to the hotel fitness room and climbed on what I initially thought was an elliptical (the treadmill was in use). It only took me a few seconds to realize it was an incline machine. Despite the added challenge, I did my 45 minutes.

The FXB nearest to Estes Park was in Boulder, a good hour away. After making the initial drive up to Estes Park, I knew I didn’t want to be on that road an hour one way just to work out—especially after having just been in a car accident. I used my bands and did the same strength workout I would have done if I were at home, although I’m sure it wasn’t quite as intense as it would have been at the gym!

For cardio, it was all about hiking. My husband and I love to hike, and thankfully our daughter appears to have the same enthusiasm! Not so much for all the other family members traveling with us, but they were good sports. It’s hard to know for sure if I hiked at a Level 10—sure I was tired and dripping with liquid awesome, but the altitude always affects me and makes things difficult. But it was great and I loved every huffing-puffing second of it!

I stuck to my nutrition plan with surprising accuracy. Although, I did have to ask the family to hold off on making the cinnamon buns until Friday so I could save one to eat on my Saturday Fun Day.

I think the key for my success was telling myself before vacation even started that this was how it was going to go and that’s that. Although, the homemade ice cream would have been nice...