To work out or not work out, that is the question.

Prior to today, I have had the opportunity to work out at FXB a total of 224 days since January 1st. Note: this is days and not workouts, so doubles and FIT Kicks are not included (but I will note that I’ve attended nearly all the FIT Kicks offered this year). Of those 224 days, I have worked out 217 days. Just in case you need help with this complicated math, that’s only 7 days I’ve missed since the start of the year.

Today was #8.

Before I get into why I missed today, I wanted to answer the question I’m often asked: “How do you attend so many days?”

Well, for starters, I don’t travel much. Of the 7 days I missed (prior to today), 3 were for vacation and I worked out in the hotel fitness room each day. Of the remaining 4 days missed: I was in Indy for 2 of the days over New Year’s, another was a Saturday when I had an author fair to attend in Madison, and the last was the day after my daughter had nine 10-year-olds sleep over for her birthday. It’s also important to note I haven’t trained for anything else. No triathlons or half-marathons or extreme obstacle course races. I don’t run or bike on the side. Basically, all my workouts are at FXB and that means I don’t need to keep any reserves in the tank for other activities.

Even so, how do I do it? How do I motivate myself to work out so often? Simple—from my first day at FXB I’ve had one condition:

If I wouldn’t miss work for it, I can’t miss my workout for it.

When I worked outside the home, I was a pretty dependable employee. I rarely missed a day of work, so I figured this would be a good metric for my workouts. As you can see by my numbers, it has served me well. It has forced me to stop and think each time I want to skip a workout. Because there are days I want to skip. I am human, after all. But the expectation I placed on myself since day one makes me stop and consider why I want to miss the workout and if it’s really worth it. It forces me to question whether or not it benefits my long-term goal. If you’ve been around my blog awhile, then you know that a key part of my long-term goal is being able to sustain over time. I knew I needed to draw a line I could stick to for when I could miss a workout. Otherwise, I’d find an excuse to skip every time my eye twitched.

The need to have a sustainable plan is what drove me to skip the workout today. Basically, I needed to acknowledge that my body needed a break. More specifically, my knee needed a break. I might be too stubborn to learn a lesson when I need to sometimes, but at least I’m quick to learn not to make the same mistake a second time. Last year I tried to keep pushing when I hurt my foot, thinking I could just ‘go easy’ during the workouts. That resulted in me having to sit out completely (from everything) for about two weeks. I know my bum knee well enough to know if I push it too hard I’ll be out for a lot longer than just two weeks.

I had to listen to my body and pay attention to the signs. When I had to leave the mat during FIT Kick this past Saturday, I knew it was time to stop being stubborn. So today made day #8 missed during 2016. I also adjusted a few things around the house. For example, I’ve stopped chasing our new puppy up and down the stairs several times a day. Now I just close all the bedroom doors and call to her from downstairs. It’s a good opportunity for me to work on some of her behavioral commands. It also helps that she is now almost fully potty-trained, and I don’t have to worry about her making a mess upstairs without my knowledge.

If you’re struggling with finding the motivation to work out on a regular basis, then here’s my advice:

1. Understand your long-term goal.
2. Acknowledge your weaknesses.
3. Establish a set of realistic expectations to help you achieve your long-term goal.
4. Commit.

Sounds pretty basic, right? Well, I’ve been around this fitness thing long enough to know it sounds a lot easier than it is. Most of us understand we need to eat healthy and work out regularly to maintain a healthy life-style. But that’s easy to forget when we hit a bump in the road. The bumps that say, “It’s OK to miss the workout, right? It won’t hurt anything will it?” Having a line drawn that’s built around your long-term goal and your weaknesses will help you determine if it is OK (or even necessary) to skip the workout. And do it now. Don’t wait for next week or tomorrow. Draw your line now and get to work.

Oh, if it helps you can adopt a motto. Personal mottos are always motivating.

~Carrie

The importance of having a fitness family.

Left: September 13, 2014
Right: September 13, 2016

Over the years, I’ve participated in many different workout programs. I’ve done solo workouts in the home, one-on-one sessions with a personal trainer, and classes at the local gym. Two years ago to the day, I joined Farrell’s Extreme Bodyshaping (FXB). It was a nerve-wracking day for me, and you can read about it here if you haven’t already. Despite my nerves, from that very first day I knew FXB would be like nothing I had experienced before. These were not people who simply worked out together. No, they were much more than that.

They were a family.

In the two years I’ve been at FXB, I’ve learned that having a fitness family is one of the most critical components of being able to sustain progress. Here are just a few resons why I’m so thankful for my FXB family.

They share my sense of fashion.

FXB is the one place where I can feel good about wearing my Spandex. I may not like that it shows off every bump and lump, but wearing it says I came to work. The fact that the vast majority of everyone else is wearing it too makes it even easier.

Beyond the active wear, we also share the same love of accessories—from the headbands to the Fitbits. Oh, and the sweat. Can’t forget about the sweat. At FXB sweat is the new black, and I rock it during every workout!

They speak my language.

It’s important to have someone who you can confide in for all aspects of your life. My non-FXB friends don’t understand my love/hate relationship with Sally. Or why I’m toast after 45 minutes of straight density sets. But my FXB family gets it. They share my lingo. And my pain.

They hug me even when I stink.

I often see a friend as I’m leaving the mat, getting ready to hit their own workout. It always amazes me when they are willing to give me a hug even though every square inch of me is dripping in Liquid Awesome. And to be clear, my form of Liquid Awesome does not smell like roses. My husband and daughter won’t even come within 50 feet of me when I get back from the gym. But my FXB family is willing to get up close and personal even when I’ve got my stink on. Now that’s #Friendship.

They know when to call bullshit.

I may think I’m too tired to push harder. I may think I’m too weak to do my push-ups from my toes. I may not think I can run the rest of the way in. But my FXB family knows better. They know when to call bullshit. And they know how to give me the right kind of motivation to tell my inner voice to shut it.

They always have my back.

No matter what, I know my FXB family will be there to support me. Time and time again, they have shown me they will not let me travel on this journey alone. They help pick me up when I fall down. They keep me focused on what’s important. They give me unconditional support and a never-ending stream of encouragement. I can only hope I am repaying them in kind.

So here’s to you, my wonderful FXB family. I can’t wait to see what the next year will bring!

~Carrie

Operation Breaking Binge: Accepting my Journey

If you’ve been following my blog for a while, then you know I have finally accepted that I have Binge Eating Disorder (BED) and that it will always be a factor in my life. However, accepting the existence of something in my life does not mean I have to accept its control over my life.

I had to find a way to control it. Things were really bad for me at the end of 2015 and the start of 2016. I was binging, on average, every three days. I was miserable—physically and emotionally. My number one priority this year has been finding a way to control my binges, and so I started ‘Operation Breaking Binge’.

Back in March, I posted Operation Breaking Binge: Just the beginning. I told you a little about what it was like to experience one of my cravings. Then I told you how I stumbled across a Pinterest article about curbing sugar cravings (or I should say the article found me because I do believe in such things). I took a break from the blog to focus on controlling those binges, primarily because opening up about something so personal turned out to be a big trigger for my binges.

I think I am finally ready to jump back in and start sharing. I’ve realized that part of the reason I’ve been given this journey is because I need to share my story. I know others have found solace in my words, knowing they were not alone. Others have found inspiration to face their own monster. Others have found a way to better understand someone in their life who suffers from similar challenges.

And I’ve learned that I can’t go through this journey alone.

It’s been almost two years exactly since I had my orientation at Farrel’s Extreme Bodyshaping (FXB) and started blogging about my journey. Do you remember the title of my very first post? If not, that’s okay. It was:

It’s not about losing weight.

In that post, I talked about how my journey was about learning to love myself no matter what. It was learning to stop defining myself based on my weight. I had made huge progress toward that mindset in the year before I joined FXB, and in the two years since I have only grown stronger in that mindset.

However, what I couldn’t accept two years ago was that my statement “it’s not about losing weight” also encompassed my BED. While I had been able to start separating my weight from my personal worth, I had not considered that I had to separate it from my eating habits as well. I fully believed that if I found a nutrition program I could stick with, then I would lose weight and my binging would just ‘go away.’

I often have people ask me, “Is the program still working for you?” In most cases, I know the real question is, “Are you still losing weight?” Yet, I refuse to answer with pounds lost. Yes, I am losing weight. Yes, I hope to lose more weight because I know that is what is healthy for my body. And, yes, I will soon be posting about the weight loss part of my journey. But weight loss is not what is most important for me at this point in time.

As I stated back in my very first post, what’s important is loving myself no matter what the scale says. After two years at FXB, I can now say what is also important is to not base my worth/success on what I put in my mouth.

I’m still a work in progress. An example is something that happened to me just now while writing this post. You see, I have this bracelet I wear.

I purchased the locket and charms from Origami Owl and made the beaded strands. I’m a visual person, so a long time ago I decided to make this bracelet as a reminder of my progress. The charms signify aspects of my journey: continuous change (infinity symbol) and ultimate transformation (butterfly). The third charm was because I thought it needed some color :) The beaded strands represent pounds lost. One strand for every ten pounds.

I had first made this bracelet before I joined FXB. I had lost about 50 lbs on a different program, only to gain it all back quickly. When I joined FXB, I removed all the strands and started over. I’m now up to four strands (I’ll let you do the math...).

As I sat here typing out the words above about weight not being my primary focus, I looked at my bracelet. I realized it was unintentionally keeping me tethered to weight as my primary success metric. I LOVE adding a new strand to this bracelet. I love wearing it because it reminds me how hard I’ve worked to get to where I am. But I just realized the strands should not represent pounds lost. It should represent months of no binging.

It’s time to add two more strands.

So, back to that question above: Is the program still working for me? More than I ever could have hoped.

~Carrie

Meet my FXB Instructors: Ali

Ali: a.k.a. Lyndsey

There might actually be a few of you out there who think I’m referencing the amazing Prince Ali Ababwa.

I will admit that Lyndsey and Prince Ali share charming conman abilities. Prince Ali is able to make Princess Jasmine believe he is a real Prince, and Lyndsey is able to make you believe you are capable of giving a Level 10 you never knew you possessed. Oh, and it looks like they also share some amazing guns!

But that’s not the Ali that reminds me of Lyndsey. No, I’m talking about the late, great Muhammad Ali. Aside from the fact that I believe she could hold her own in an actual boxing ring, there is one famous Ali quote that I believe embodies Lyndsey:

As I break this down, I’m actually going to start with the ‘sting like a bee’ part. There are 3 elements to this:

1) Power

I think this should be obvious. Lyndsey is a BEAST on the mat (and, frankly, off the mat too). I seriously would not want to be on the receiving end of one of her punches or kicks. I’m quite certain it would feel much, much worse than a bee sting.

2) Purpose

I don’t know a lot about bees, but what I do know is that they are very hard workers. They are endlessly doing their bee-thing, and Lyndsey is no different. She works hard on the mat, both as a FIT member and as an instructor. She has often been accused of designing intense workouts in her sleep. She is determined to perform at her best and make the rest of us do the same.

3) That hair . . .

Lyndsey has another fitting nickname—Pebbles. It’s because of her usual hairstyle at the gym:

Well, I’m here to set you all straight. That’s not a Pebbles Flinstone ponytail—it’s actually her stinger.

Now for the ‘float like a butterfly’ part. I know the initial intent behind this quote was that Ali was quick and hard to catch on the mat. While Lyndsey is also very quick, I feel the symbolism behind the butterfly fits her perfectly. The way it’s said here on Pure Spirit is a perfect description of Lyndsey:

Butterfly is the power of air, the ability to float upon a breeze. It is known for its daring flight; thus, it represents the mind and our ability to change it when necessary. Butterfly represents the never-ending cycle of life; therefore, its medicine bestows not only the ability, but the clarity of mind needed before self-transformation.

Butterflies appear to dance as they flitter among the flowers. They remind us not to take things so seriously within our lives. They awaken a sense of lightness and joy. They remind us to get up and move, for if you do not move, you cannot dance.

Butterflies bring color and joy with them. The colors of the butterfly should be examined for significance and to help you understand its role within your life. Look at how much or little joy is in your life. Lighten up. Look for change. Make changes when the opportunities present themselves. The butterfly will teach you that growth and change do not have to be traumatic. Change can occur as gently and as joyfully as one wishes.

Since my first day at FXB, Lyndsey has been like a butterfly in my life. She is there when I need encouragement, a slight (or strong) push to keep moving, or a reminder of why I’m on this journey. And I know for a fact I’m not the only person who can make this claim.

So, Ali, keep on floating like the butterfly you are, but never stop stinging us with your inner beast!

~Carrie 

Just Like Riding a Bike

You’ve all probably heard the phrase, “It’s just like riding a bike.” You may have even said it yourself once or twice. The basic idea behind this idiom is that once you know how to ride a bike, you won’t forget. Even if it’s been years since you last rode a bike, it’s OK—just get back on and have a go. You’ll remember!

As a kid, I loved riding my bike. We had this ‘huge’ hill in our road that was nearly impossible to pedal up, but the ride down was worth it! I take off on my pink and gray Huffy 10-Speed and stay out until my legs couldn’t take any more.

I swear this hill was bigger when I was a kid...

Not my actual bike, but this is what it looked like.

As I got older, my bike riding days became less and less. I wasn’t even a big fan of the stationary bike at the gym. Then back in 2001 I started training for a sprint triathlon and needed to go and get myself a new bike. Even though it had been a few years, I quickly got back into the swing of things. Except for the whole switching gears part. I never did master that well.

I continued to ride after the triathlon, although not on a regular basis. But when I did, I usually put in a good 10-12 miles. And then I gained a whole bunch of weight. I think it’s been at least seven years since I’ve been on my bike. I wasn’t worried that I forgot how to ride, I was worried that I just wouldn’t be able to do it. I told myself:

• I’m too overweight
• I’m too out of shape
• My balance isn’t good enough
• I’d fall and get hurt
• I’d look ridiculous
• I might break my bike

It’s hard to admit to thinking that last one, but I did. When you are as overweight as I have been, unfortunately it is a common thought. Weight limits come to mind and how embarrassing would that be if I tried to ride my bike and bent the wheels? I seriously had visions of either breaking my bike or falling within 10 yards and breaking a bone.

It was best easiest to just avoid it all together.

Then my daughter started asking about going on a bike ride together. I could tell she really wanted someone to ride with her. I just couldn’t bring myself to try, and it was hard to push the shame and guilt away. Luckily for her, my husband jumped on my bike and off they went on rides to the park, to lunch, or nowhere in particular.

And I remained home, wishing I could just get a bit more in shape so I could ride with them.

I’ve been working out hard at FXB for over a year, and it’s been bugging me more and more. I’d pull in the garage and see it hanging there, right in front of where I park, and think, “Soon. I’ll try again soon.” But we all know ‘soon’ is really code for ‘I have no idea when, but it won’t be any time in the near future’.

This morning at the gym I was talking to a couple of my gymmates about self-imposed limits and having the confidence and determination to get past them. During the conversation the image of my bike hanging on the wall came to mind. I told them about it and they both told me to just do it. To get on the bike and ride.

On the way home I decided I was going to do it. I stopped for gas and cat food, giving myself plenty of time to work up the courage. I pulled in the garage and looked at my bike. I took a deep breath and walked right up to it. I aired up the tires and rolled it to the middle of the garage. My heart was beating so fast I might as well have been back in the holding corral of the triathlon. Just as I started to get on, I heard a neighbor rolling in their trash cans. My thought, “Crap. I don’t want anyone to see me do this.” I still had strong images of lying at the end of my driveway, in a pile of my own blood and pebbles embedded into my knees (the joys of the vivid imagination of an author). I also still believed that I’d look ridiculously large on the small frame of my bike and I didn’t want to think of anyone looking at me and feeling the urge to laugh.

Then I reminded myself of the conversation I had this morning and decided I needed to do it. I couldn’t just talk the talk, I had to walk the walk—or bike the bike . . .

I took a deep breath and for an instant I actually thought I wouldn’t be able to get my leg over the seat/frame to straddle the bike. Then I told myself to stop being stupid—I’m in my second year of FXB. Of course I can get my leg up and over the bike. And so I did.

And then I rode. And I did not fall. I passed a lady walking her dog, and I didn’t even think about whether or not I looked ridiculous. I was just so happy I was actually riding my bike. I only rode through my neighborhood, about 0.5 miles, since it was my first time back on and the bike could really use a tune up (and let’s be real, it was also because I had just come from lower body day).

Now I’m determined to get back on and ride farther. Not soon—this week. My daughter is getting a new bike this year, so that’s when mine will go in for a tune-up. I’m determined to be ready for long family bike rides this summer. Looks like I know what we’ll be getting Daddy for Father’s Day this year since we will now be one bike short in this family :-)

I’ve written before about my challenges with obstacles. In my journey I’ve learned that self-imposed obstacles are the hardest to overcome. Our mind gets to make up how big and impossible they are. There is no tangible evidence to use against it, as least not until we push past and do it. If you have something you’ve been too afraid (or stubborn) to try, just take a deep breath and go for it.

Truly, it is just like riding a bike :-)

~ Carrie